22 on 22 :)

Thank You, Lord, for giving me another year of life.  
Thank you for my mother, late father, brothers, friends, and elders, who have shaped me to be what I am today with Your help.

Thank You for all the experience of this past year,
for times of success which will always be happy memories,
for times of failure which reminded me of my own weakness and of my need for You,
for times of joy when the sun was shining,
for times of sadness which drove me to You.

Forgive me
for the hours I wasted,
for the chances I failed to take,
for the opportunities I missed this past year.
Help me in the days ahead to make this the best year yet,
and through it to bring good credit to myself,
happiness and pride to my loved ones,
and joy to You. Amen.

*Twenty-two and forever young ;)

I end up on my blog when...

....there are a lot of things that I keep in my head and heart.

Gosh, I'm feeling so uneasy recently. I've done something that I should not be doing.

But the curiosity really kills me. I can't resist myself from not doing it.

Now it affects my feeling and trust towards someone.

I knew that it'll be unfair if I treat him bad without telling him what is going on. I'm so selfish. :(

Now I got a heartache. No matter what I'm doing, even make myself think positively, that feeling still kills me.

I'm so stupid. I just hope that I won't ruin my relationship because of my stupidity.

*FYP

Currently doing budget listing for my FYP.

Susah oh, sudah la saya tida pandai membudget -_-

Moreover, my heart is not strong enough now I think. Distracted easily. Ceh.

Now I'm just realized that this will be an extra tough semester.

"Busy" is on the way rolling towards me.

Now I'm in a week 2.

Banyak benda mau kena submit start week 4 then week 5 then week 6.

And it's all about FYP.

Out of topic, saya rasa lain-lain hari ni. . . Because of the past. . . "A FRIEND". 

dangg, bubye~

Coincidence

New semester, and up to one level. Felt so good I've made it to third year.

Another 3 semesters and a semester of Industrial Training for me to go through.

Phiew~ dekat sudah tu

First of all, this is so rare. I'm feeling homesick yesterday and today and maybe tomorrow. Padahal baru mau satu minggu. Definitely the effect from super extra long holiday. -_-

Hmm.. I think wanna consider myself LUCKY. This is so rare (again). Last holiday, I've done a part time job as a tutor teacher for Biology and Science in my former secondary school. And guess what, all the sub-topics that I've taught my students were the basic knowledge for the current subjects that I'm taking this semester. Coincidence, right? Oh I'm so lucky. Especially for the Science subject. I've taught them about the electrical topics, the very basic one and I'm gonna learn it again (moore details) in my Electrical for Instrumentation subject. Although I don't know what is actually its relation to my course -_- But I like it because there will be a lots of calculations. Rindu maths, the trigo2, the formula, walaupun usually selepas satu minggu baru dapat jawab satu soalan :P

For the very beginning, one lecture week already passed. I'm taking 16 credit hours only this semester. Sikit kan? I have to. If not, I'm gonna end up with 11 credit hours only for my officially-final-year. That's not gonna enough. At least I have to take 12. So,my final schedule got a lots of "holes". Banyak gap except Monday.

haah.. enough la till here. FYP-calling now~

I choose to be better, so I choose to change a bit :)

Sweet Victory

If last semester I get almost all A's , this semester I only get three A's out of seven subjects. As expected, my result dropped. But still, accurately I hit my primary target although failed to keep it precise.

I'm thankful to God for everything He has given. I can see myself getting improve from time to time.I know now it's all about DESIRE. But this ain't the usual desire. It was a very very strong feeling of wanting something to happen. And it happened!

Enough with that.

To my beloved mother,

I present to you my Dean award for you 50th birthday.

I can't think any other great present to give you but this.

As for a wrap, this is sweet tho. Sweet victory :)

Unexpected

I love biology since 5 years ago. I thought I'm gonna be a doctor. But then I discovered genetics and molecular biology, which lead to Biotechnology. I followed my gut instinct, and it never get wrong. I love what I'm doing now. Even some people didn't know about what I'm learning, plus here in Malaysia, Biotechnology just started to develop. It still in "infant" phase while in other country, Biotechnology is way more developed.

*sigh

But it's okay. I was born in a state with partially-untouched-environment. Still fresh, still rich in flora and fauna. Located at North Borneo, known as Sabah. I'm aware that its gonna be an advantage for me as long as I seize every opportunity along the way. And yeah, it's all about mindset. There's no such things where we won't get a better job if we "learn-that-unfamiliar-things". Always keep a positive thinking. It will make your life easier and peace ;)

It's worth to wait :)

I've met my secondary school girl friends at church yesterday. There were two of them. And I've met their daughter too. They seems like so proud of that. I mean, proud of having a kid in this age.

Maybe because of I asked them how does it feel of having a kid. (Just asking)

I was shocked actually because I don't know one of them also already married.

I asked her how old is her daughter. Then she said 3 years old. And I was like what?

I don't know you was pregnant at that time. Seriously,2009? :O

No wonder I haven't see her anymore.

However, I never have a negative thought on them. Although I know exactly the reason why they got married young. As long as they happy with their life, yeah I'll pray for them. Hope they will take care of their kid. But such a waste because they have no job, just depend on their husband's money.
Come on, we live in a modern world. Every women nowadays must have their own money.
I wish I could talk to them before they do this to themselves.
But, what's done, is done.

In the middle of our conversation, they asked me a bonus question, "when is your turn?".

Turn?what turn? Having a child? Oh, ask me again that question after you guys get a wedding invitation card from me. ;)

It will be a long journey before I'm getting into that kind of life.
I want to satisfy myself first, doing all the things that I want to do, have my own house, BMW (hihi), give my mother a good life, and after that I will have mine, my "own family".
Well, I wanna raise a "champions". So I have to be a champion first. And I knew that it's worth to wait.
Besides, we only live once. Why must choose to marry so early. (Its just my opinion anyway)
For now, I wanna live my teenage life!

I got a weird goal. I wanna be part of "Wikipedia" (in a good mean of course).

Critical thinking

Its Thursday already. How fast the time has passed. I even can't catch my breath.

Or doing something productive?

Next week will be the study week.

Time to have some "brain cracking" again.

Phiew~ But I got used to it, since it will be my 4th time to crack my own brain. -_-

Besides thinking about final exam, I'm actually being forced to make a decision for something. Something huge, overwhelming, big, extremely important, and etc. But wait, nobody forced me. Its me, forcing myself to make that decision.

It was a really, seriously tough decision to make. Sampai diserang migraine thinking about this!

After the consultation with expertise lecturers and my Academic Advisor, I've come up with this decision.

YES, I'm gonna take FINAL YEAR PROJECT (PSM) next semester, which is in the first semester in my third year.

Some lecturers said that it is too early to take it in first semester, as it usually taken every second semester in third year. Then why they divide my batch into two for PSM? OMG -_-

After I think about it, deeply,carefully and repeatedly, I've made that decision. And I'm not turning back.

I don't know whether it will be the best decision that I ever made. But I'm just gonna proceed for what I have decided. :D

I just met my Academic Advisor (PA) yesterday afternoon. That was the conversation that I like the most between me and my PA. He gave me a lots of advice especially for the PSM thingy. He is also one of the supervisor for the PSM. And I'm still thinking whether or not I'm gonna put him in my list for future SV or not. He's doing under molecular biology and his title for the project something like waste-to-wealth. Means, use the waste to produce something useable product. He said, my senior doing anticancer from waste that degraded by microbes. It sound interesting. I love molecular biology. Just that I already think about my own title. I got my own idea already. It has something to do with coffee, and it is under fermentation not molecular biology. T_T

Do what you like my PA said. I love coffee sooooo much. So, I want to do that for my Bachelor project. hihi.

As what my PA advised me yesterday, "Don't worry, just do your best, be confident and SMILE. SMILE SMILE and SMILE", he said. Hey, he really said that. That's why I said that was the conversation that I like the most (Y)

Meet my Academic Advisor, Dr. Makky in black shirt. This picture was taken last semester during our faculty visit to Yakult. See my hair still straight and my "round" face. :O

Sometimes I didn't understand what Dr. Makky was saying (sorry!). He's Egyptian by the way. But as an Academic Advisor and also a lecturer, he is so nice, friendly. All lecturers in my faculty are so nice. Sometimes I don't know how to communicate with them in a professional way. I mean, they are like a "buddy". Can talk to them in any ways that I like, but rude is excluded. And yes, respect them still the first priority. Thanks to God for giving me the opportunity to be guide by those lecturers :)

On the top of that, I'm ready to face the challenge of FINAL YEAR PROJECT! 

PEACE & SMILE :D

Doing what I like, Be confident, face the challenge, and Smile all the way :)

Unproductive

I keep wondering. I don't know what happen to myself recently.

I lost my spirit to study.

I just do my assignments, reports, and thats it.

I only open my notes "when in needed".

omg..what happen to me? what happen to you myself??

argggh.. I'm soooooo stress for this kind of situation.

Everyday is unproductive days for me.

Damn. I lost it. My spirit has been kidnapped. It run away from me. Since when? come back. please come backk. iiihhh! -__-

When the hope is gone, I know I still can carry on

I can see myself through this video.

And I know, I'm gonna have exactly the same moments as what the women in this video going thru. :'(

"You won't gonna be there for my graduation, my engagement, and my wedding. I want you to be my escort during my wedding day, the one who will walk me down the aisle. But... God has taken you away before all the special days happen."  

I just miss you very much, dad :')

Weird thoughts.

I found the picture above somewhere in Facebook. The people inside the picture were the pure Sabahan long time ago. I mean, thats the "original" Sabahan looks like.

And suddenly I feel like curious.. curious about where actually the Sabah people come from.

My curiosity  more specific to the Dusun people (which is one of the ethnics in Sabah. I'm Dusun too).

I've done my "extra-mini research" just now. *Thank you Mr. Google*

But all the information still cannot satisfy me. I'm still curious.

So I asked my friend's opinion about these and tell about my curiosity.

"Ba bagus ko ambil sejarah la ni.. buat master ka", my friend said.

And then I was like.. ya la. I'm Biotech student (which is obviously out of my field) But, why not kan? :D
I reeeally wanna know about the origin of Dusun people. Even though I had read the theory about "come from Mongolia", but there are another theories too. A LOT of theories. -_-

I just want to know the real one. Even though its hard to find the truth. I mean, really HARD.

But why not if I try it someday, stay with my Grandpa & Grandma in the village, ask them what they know, interview the oldest people in that village, read a lot, go to the related historical place..hmm

If this passion last longer in future, I think I'm so gonna take Master for this (as suggested by my friend).

If only I own a time machine, I might found the answer now. phiew~

I ran out from my room, lied to my room mates, "I'm going to my friend's room".

Searching for some dark, cold place, which I think that will be the most peaceful place for me to be alone.

Found it.  I looked up to the sky, I see no stars, or either moon.

The pain still there, even after I sit alone there for almost half an hour.

Preventing myself from thinking too much, I called my mom.

That was the best "medicine" ever. Feel no pain till I drop the call.

Catching air as much as I could, but the pain won't go anywhere.

.....the most painful day ever. :')

Fix. Not throw it away.

Simple yet have a very deepest meaning.

I wish someday "My life looks like the picture above".

Marrying a guy that will never leave me, grow old together, faithful and yes, most importantly "if something is broken, we fix it, not throw it away".

However, I know it is not that simple.
The scariest thing that I could ever imagine is that, what if someday after I get married, the love suddenly fade away and finally disappear? (No matter if HE or SHE that fade away of feeling)
Oh God, I hope not. Marriage should be SACRED and STRONG. "What God has joined, men must not divide". Ever heard about that?
But why some married couples tend to divorce only because of the smallest issue?

And why suddenly I wrote about the marriage thingy? @.@
I still have a long journey to go and dreams to be fulfill before I become someone's wife.

But, for the "chosen" one someday in future (a.k.a future soul mate);

Please always make me believe that you will stay with me forever. Although I knew that forever could be severed by. Nothing last forever. But at least we live like there is "forever" :)

And lastly, I hope we will mean it when we say;

" I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.

I will love you and honor you ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE"

If you never let go the past, you won't gonna make it in future

Everything was going fine until I accidentally came across something I didn't want to found out.

Something I better off not knowing.

But I constantly dig it out over and over again.

And you know, the feeling is suck when you already know the truth, but you never have the guts to ask. 

It might be because you scared that the answer will be the one that crossed on your mind. 

But the only thing that can make me feel better is keep thinking that God had written the story.

:'(

艾薇娜's first try ..

今天是星期六。。

我要回来！！

 我的朋友回来了。。

为什么我 still stuck in 彭亨？？

我要 meet 我的妈妈，哥哥，三个弟弟。。

我想念你们 so much! T_T

妈妈，我要回来！！

Btw, 我没有 homesick ok. 我家-sick only. hehe :P

没關係 la..

My gosh, I took so long for this post. haha

Hey, this is not google translate. 我学华语! (I learn Mandarin!). Penatnya switch keyboard EN-CH-EN. 

So, this is for my practice because after midsem break I have a Chinese Character recognition test!

OMG, I can feel that I'm gonna 死亡 on that day! haha.. choi~

我爱沙巴 forever!

**I wrote this according to my Mandarin book.

So, don't trust google translate. It will "direct" you to the meaning.

I mean like, direct translation? :) **

Now its midsem break. and I miss my mum very much :'(

Relieve

I don't know why I still have time to update this blog.

Still have another 3 tests and 1 quiz.

But after the Industrial Management test just now, I felt relief~
Macam teda lagi test. Maybe because of the lecturer. He is awesome, strict yet very nice.

*tidak sampai hati mau menipu test dia.hihi*

And when I heard that the submission date of 3 reports already postponed after midsem break, whoa~ I felt extra relief!! I dare to say that "TEST, gimme more!"
But don't want la. I want to relax like a bos :P

Guess I should start focus on my revision now.

This semester must get Dean juga! The most important is, I want the Medal. Wanna give my mom for her 50th birthday this year :))

Jia youu!

My 21st Birthday :)

On my 21st birthday, there was a guy that gave me surprise birthday cake.

I've been trolled, really.

And my room-mates were his 'assistance'.

At the beginning, he asked for an apologize many times as he couldn't celebrate the special day with me.

I said, "Its okay, birthday ja pun"

Then when the time turns to 00.00 on 22nd March, phoop! My room-mates switched off the light, and sang a birthday song. At that time, I was skype-ing with "the guy".
No wonder he asked me to turn on the mic of my skype, because the plan is..
*translated dialogue*
"its better if we celebrate your birthday on time. I asked them to sing for you and I just see you through skype :) ", he said. I'm touched.

Thank you very much Camillus, the guy, the Mastermind behind the birthday surprise :)

 *Tiramisuu!

*skype-ing*

I feel blessed to have my 21st birthday. I'm looking forward for the 22nd years, If God will, it will be :)
Yet, my dear room-mate Winnie, gave me the fake flower,PINK ROSE. I don't like pink!But that was her first trial making rose,so I love it! :D

"There was a star danced, and under that I was born. Never thought that there was another year to rejoice. So, cheers! :))"

Btw, I never feel bad of being 21. The reason is, some people said that they saw me more mature than before! hihi

Well at least there is a progress kan? :P

Cheers for MARCH 22!!!

366 days :)

Time passed by so fast. Sometimes I feel like I had missed something because I was busy enjoying every moments that we had together.

Well, here we are. Still being together after 366 days :)

And actually, I didn't expect that you will post the 'tissue" on facebook. hihi

You just came back from Sibu this morning and asked me to buy McD Double Cheese Burger. I know you must be surprised because you found a special McD tissue! :P
It was unplanned actually. Wanna buy you a chocolate but the bus came early. Nvm, I already gave you the most precious thing right? surprise! :D

*Last year picture, I still love this :)*

Love you Cam! :D

...

"Diana: Do I have anything to worry about with you and Cassie?

Adam: Why would you ask that?
Diana: Because I'm insecure... And I love you"

(The Secret Circle)

I might be overreacting but,... 

Do I need to worry when your eyes sometimes caught by other girl? 

Honestly I'm feeling so insecure with this relationship every time it happen. 

Have you ever realized that?