Telling the truth

I NEED someone that can blend with my friends.
NOT someone that prohibiting me from hang out with them.

I NEED someone that trust me even if I say the world will reach the end tomorrow.
NOT someone that accusing me for something that I've never done.

I NEED someone that forgive my previous fault.
NOT someone that dig up and haunting me for my past mistakes.

I NEED someone that know what I feel by just look into my eyes.
NOT someone that hit me with questions until I say it by myself what's going on with me.

I NEED someone that understand me better than I understand myself.
NOT someone that always arguing for misunderstanding.

Most Importantly,
I NEED someone that accept me for who I am.
NOT someone that make me ask myself "who am I"

That's Just Me [La La Land]

I am confident, but I still have the moments
Baby, that's just me
I'm not a supermodel, I still eat McDonald's
Baby, that's just me

Well, some may say I need to be afraid
Of losing everything, because of where I
Had my start and where I made my name
Well, everything's the same in the La La Land machine
Machine, Machine

Who said I can't wear my Converse with my dress?
Well baby, that's just me
Who said I can't be single and have to go out and mingle?
Baby, that's not me, no no

Well, some may say I need to be afraid
Of losing everything, because of where I
Had my start and where I made my name
Well, everything's the same in the La La Land machine
Machine, Machine

Tell me do you feel the way I feel?
`Cause nothing else is real in the La La Land appeal

Well, some may say I need to be afraid
Of losing everything, because of where I
Had my start and where I made my name
Well, everything's the same in the La La Land machine
Well, I'm not gonna change in the La La Land machine
Machine, machine, machine

I won't change anything in my life
I'm staying myself tonight

Going to "break a leg" again

I'm going to have a final war for this year! And I said "attack!!"

Although I will never ever get ready for this war (or any other previous wars) but I promise myself to give a total fight yaw!

8-10-11-15-16 of November only. Then going back !

That's the most important thing. Can't wait.

Almost 0.5 year i haven't step on the land of Borneo.

And I miss every single little small things there!

However! I wont think about that now! I think about how I'm going to "kill all those 5 strongest zombies" with only a "few bullets of shotgun?"

Argh! I'll just do my best! "He" will bless me what!

And I don't care!!I must win this war!

Say Goodluck to this girl!

She is the one who will going to fight with the zombies!

Transforming into Z0MBIE!

I didn't realize that my FINAL EXAM is around the corner!
The time was cheating! They are moving too fast..and left me behind~ T_T
(I hate you hh/mm/ss)

Now I can feel how's zombie are. I mean, "dead living things".
What I'm trying to say is.. I felt that I'm dead already but the fact is I'm still alive!
Means, I'm a zombie.. and the starvation of intelligent peoples' brain is killing me!
Yerr.. struggle again.. although I said that I'm a study-holic, it doesn't mean that I love exam.

It's okay. I know I can do it. I need to complete myself with an extra guns for this war. That's what I'm trying to accomplish within less than 30 days!p/s: Zombie might be dead already. But did you realize something? They still moving on until their brain were knocked out!
Believe it or not..zombie is my inspiration xD
I'm not weird. I called it "special"

-secret-

It's kinda awful when someone that we love feel sad.
It was like we were getting slice on pieces inside of our self.

Here I would like to confess some "secret".
Actually, I'm not that problem-sharing-person. I only share it if I really can't bear it by myself.
But as long as I feel strong to keep and solve it, I will keep it.
Some people think that I kept too much secrets. But I'm not.
I just don't really like to share some part of my life. Or maybe.. all part of my life. (I guess)
It is full of an awful story which some people cannot understand it so well.
So I prefer to keep it by myself. It's much better.
My first 8 years life seems to be so wonderful. The next 11 years.. Its kinda so complicated for me.
Sometimes I complicate it by my self. xD

Hey, know what? Sometimes I'm so good in faking smile. But when the person that really understands me so well comes and reveals everything through what can be see in my eyes, it will be the hard situation for me.

If only God give me the ability to see future and change the past, sure that I'll be back to 1999 and ask "him" to stay at home and not going anywhere. T_T
If I can do that, my life nowadays must be so much better. No pain when recall the past.








Sometimes when I really can't bear this feeling,
I asked God to return "you" back to us.
But it's so damn impossible.
I just keep moving on and I know that I shouldn't ever look back.
Forgive me Christ.

Just Passing By

I found this post in Facebook:

"Yeah, believe me, I really did like you..
but I wasn't gonna sit around and wait until you found out who and what you wanted;
so I MOVED ON"

Know what? That's what I'm trying to say just now. :)

I'm facing the same story again..is it?

How long I didn't update this blog? Argh..nvm~

I don't know which part of my life story should I write here. Maybe I'll write whatever story that pass in my mind. Yeah that's more easier.

So far my life here in Ump is just like..so far so good. Nothing special. Just have a lot.. I mean, super-duper have a lot of assignments to do. Tutorial,projects,presentations and the most annoying thing to do is LAB REPORT! I'm sick with that report!

Last week, really..It was my tension week ever!! It was like.. I can't stand it anymore!! I'm giving up!! My laptop is "dying"! I can't do anything! All information is in the laptop! But thank God, my big bro ACE SEIZER "fixed" it. I mean, he just gave me the "instructions" on how to fixed it. :P
I don't know how and why I still can survive here. I keep on moving.
I do whatever I can. Life's so hard. haizz

Done with that story. Social life? I mean..friends. Yah, doing good. Nothing to stress out.
It just..ugh. I felt that now I'm facing the same story. AGAIN.
Story that really hurt me before. My previous post,which I wrote that I want to be "Trouble Free" or something like that. Seriously, it is more than just a word.
"Trouble Free" is equal to.. okay just let me keep the meaning.

Now,there is a story that I think I already faced it before. And I don't want to keep the story..end. I mean, I better "runaway" from that story. I should quit myself from being the character in that story. It just like, I know how the story will end. Sure I know.
And I don't want to have the "feeling" when the story end. Not nice. It hurt me. And I hate it.

I have no idea on how to "escape". I just don't want all those things happen again. It takes time to "recover" and remove from my brain,my life. All I know is.. better I runaway before it reach to the end point.

"and I am so sorry if one day I make myself disappear and you can't look for me anymore.
Believe me, I really don't want to. But I need to.
Just convince me that the story is not the same as I already faced before. Then I will not disappear"

Can I...hate?

Should I start with the happy story or the pissed off one?Alright..
I want the happy ending. So, start with the bad one first.

I never heard that DOING EXPERIMENT on SUNDAY MORNING.I was like... are they crazy or what to set up our schedule on Sunday?!I just hope that they think carefully before set that stupid schedule.I don't know what to say just now. I'm extremely hurting.
Yah I know maybe some people might think that "whats the point going to church.Next time can go". It's BullS***!!!This thing make me felt so stress! ARGH! I'll escape the lab if I want to! But still can't!Arrrrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!! I expect that my Uni life will be just alright. But seems like not at all.. However, I keep thinking that there's a reason why all those things happen.

Alright! Stop `bout that. Now moving to the next story.Last 29 of July, I went to UPM, Serdang Selangor. Honestly, kinda boring. I only interested the demo of making crystal from a glass... XP

But it still:fun,enjoy and happy trip. Yeay~
I also "stole" something from the lab. With permission okay! Not seriously stole that thing. :)Want to know what i stole? Check it out all this pictures~

Waiting for the bus
Grey: Seniors
Red: Juniors
See the Indian and chinese guy?
Thats Saravanan a.k.a Sara and Chua.. XD

With "uncle" that demo-ing the glass-->crystal
This is what I stole!
Rabbit Crystal!!At boring Lab~


UMP,cool~

I'm really pissed off

No one can understand what I felt just now.
I'm really mad!
They spoiled my whole day.
I want to shout out loud but I can't.

However, there's only one thing that makes me smile today.
Thanx.
And to the 'spoiler', "thank you" very much.

I hate Monday!

Nope I'm not! I don't hate Monday.
My lecturer mention about it during Islamic & Asian Civilization subject.
But ugh.. I do hate my Monday today because my schedule was very 'pack'!
Non-stop walking. Really.. Seriously..

However, I enjoy it. Don't know why. Maybe I love University life. :)One more thing, I hate today because we were given an assignment. I don't care if it is about biology assignment. But guess what? Its CALCULUS! Submit on this Friday! (what the hell!)
Its a group assignment actually. (thank God) =P
I didn't 'touch' any of the question that I suppose to do. I'm too lazy for calculus tonight! Come on.. Give me a break! Lol,jk.. I was given too long break before. Its a beginning.
Am I ready for that? I try okay.. Promise that.

Oh yah. I think I ugh..really hate 'Monday' today because of the incident during the biochemistry subject.
Its not because of the subject or what. But its about the guys! I was like.. Where the hell all of the guys during our lecturer need a help?! They saw what happened!
Ops I'm so sorry.. I don't know how to write the story. Its not complicated. Just.. I don't know how. X(

Oh Gosh! Its 4 hours since I connected to C1 network! :P
Time to get the hell out of here. Need to start doing an assignment!

CALCULUS SAID THAT "You should offline now!!"

Getting Better

What should I write? My life seems so good here.
I enjoy every second. Yeah I do. (Just to prevent me from thinking at home)
But honestly, everything seems to be just okay.All my room mate are very nice persons. What should I worry about?
Got friendly classmates, nice lecturer, supernicefriendly PA.. So?
I hope that I can pass through all of the things here. I want to be TROUBLE FREE. haha.Don't know whats that mean.

Faculty of Industrial Science and Technology

KK3-C1-GF-02
(super duper nicerFriendly!)

Minggu Induksi Siswa (MINDS)

Khidmat Komuniti
(group 4)

Sabahan+Sarawakian United

University Life [UMP]- Proudly FIST

It's 11 days passed.. And I still survive here..Yeah!
There's a lot of things that I had been through although its just 11days here.

First of all, I want to confess something.. I Love being part of UMP especially being part of FIST (Faculty of Industrial Science and Technology). I feel soooo awesome! Go FIST!
Although we are the new faculty PLUS the small number here in UMP but yeah,I admit that I love FIST very much!

Now, begin with my first week in UMP. All the juniors got a program called MINDS (Minggu Induksi Siswa). It's kinda super tired week because we not get enough sleep,rest and can't take our bath properly. I mean like, cannot take a long time just to bath. Uhuhu..
Our Seniors is our facilitators. They all are superb! I mean, really friendly. I miss all the facis during MINDS. Yeah I miss 'em all. I still remember this one faci which we call as"tumpang". His name is Tan actually. We call him like that because we want to share his bicycle to go to Kompleks Sukan. Its so far away from our KK. hoho..
And he is so friendly and still remember us. Maybe because of we ask to "tumpang" him. hehe.

MINDS end with 'Khidmat Komuniti'. Owh God, I clean the beach! Really hate that work but honestly, I enjoy with that. I got a new friends which is different race. They are Indian. They also really friendly person. Thank God.
I saw a weird person during we clean up the beach. Well I dont know how to explain it. Only me know how weird that person is. I told you, he is weird. REAAAALLY weird.


Today is my second day of classes. Yesterday was very stressful day. Maybe because there's no one like me there. They all from penisular and majority are Malay.
Today is much better than yesterday. I'm getting know all my classmate. And they are quit friendly so far. Or it was like, so far so good. And today also I met my PA (Academic advisor). thank God cuz she is really nice person. Glad to got her as PA.

So many things to write here. But I will stop here for now. Later I will continue to write about my life here in UMP. Maybe will uploading some pictures. Yeah I will.

Not yet start, But want It to finish

5 more days to go! aww its like.. T_T
But my best friend already fly to Perlis. (Tc Edzlyn)
And its my turn to fly this Friday. Wonder how's goin` on there.
I just hoping that everything gonna be fine.

Umm 4 years? Sure that I can finish that. Yah I'm really sure..
But just now I really hope that I already graduate..
Lol,jk.. If only I can fast forward..
If only I already become a "working women".
No more study, No more stress, No more going anywhere..
But that's what life's mean right..
Gain experience, traveling.. Wait! My dream is going to CANADA!
Never forget that!! Uugghh..
And maybe I'm gonna missing to study after I'm working..

Gosh, I really can't wait going to that "DAY"

Those were the days

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and a half Friday is the last days for me to stay here in my hometown.
Gonna fly to Kuantan Pahang soon!
What will happen to my life next Friday? I know it is a beginning for my journey of being a STUDENT.
But ugh.. I still can't leave my place! Maybe because of... very long holiday? Yah of coz..
Uhuuu.. its true I'm leaving. But that doesn't mean that I'm not coming back right?
I am coming back on holiday..

I'm feeling bad today. Its not because I'm leaving but because I know the truth about something.
Just forget it. I'm a bad girl if I talk about it here.
But I hope that it will not effect me.
Huh! I am me!

Yesterday I went to Kota Kinabalu to settle that BIMB account. What a day..
I'm using a lot of money. Its my mum's money actually. I felt guilty but what to do.. I need all the things. And I'm so depressed because I've got many thing to do before 2ND of July!! Help! Help!

Hmm.. What else? Uumm suddenly I think about my life's pathway.
Its a long long long journey. After get my degree, I think I'll continue with Medic.
Gosh! I know its seems so hard PLUS take a long time. Yah I already mention it right. hehe..
Can I accomplish that? Yep! With bless of God..
After get Medic of course I will be a "working women".
Married? Hate to think about that.. I just leave it to God.
But, can`t I just married with myself or God? haha.. INSANE!
Nah! Just joking. I'll just accept that "someday,somehow"..

:Tiger Lily:

We drive tonight
And you are by my side
We're talking about our lives
Like we've known each other forever
The time flies by
With the sound of your voice
Its close to paradise
With the end surely near
And if i could only stop the car
And hold onto you
And never let go
I'll never let go
As we round the corner
To your house
You turned to me and said
"I'll be going through withdrawal of you
For this one night we have spent."
And, I want to speak these words
But i guess I'll just bite my tongue,
And accept "someday, somehow"
As the words that we'll hang from.

And I.. I don't want to speak these words
'cause I.. I don't want to make things any worse.
And I.. I don't want to speak these words.
'cause I.. I don't want to make things any worse.

Why does tonight, have to end?
Why don't we hit restart
And pause it at our favorite parts
We'll skip the goodbyes
If i had it my way,
I'd turn the car around and runaway,
Just you and I

And I.. I don't want to speak these words
'cause I.. I don't want to make things any worse
And I.. I don't want to speak these words
'cause I.. I don't want to make things
And I.. I don't want to make things any worse

9 Days to go?

Hate to admit this but... yah, I ugh.. never mind.
Got that flight ticket receipt today.. And I don't know why.. ugh never mind..

I keep thinking that.. leaving on 2hb just for beginning.
This feeling will be destroy after that.. yeah right.. I'm gonna be just fine.

Yeah fine.. What?! Sad?! No I'm not!!
Alright.. Maybe a little bit..
Alright maybe a big bit..

Whatever.. Bye bye Sabah.
Gonna Miss You

Cuz God still trust me

Yeay! No more worries. Everything seems like just be okay. I got something that I really want! I know that God always give me the best. Life is full of surprise. I'm very thankful right now.
I got an offer from University of Malaysia Pahang. And guess what? I got Applied Science (Hons) Industrial Biotechnology!! Its Biotech! I really dream it for my Degree!!
I'm so damn happy! Its a dream come true. God heard my pray. He gave me something else better instead my sadness because of my matriculation result. Yeah God still trust me to do this. And I know I can finish this! Only four years..

Anyway, I think my previous post is busted! I'm leaving on 2ND of July. And now, in my mind I don't want to go anywhere. BUT! I keep thinking that success is "right there". It's not here in my home. So,leaving my home sweet home is only part of the process. We can't just stay in one place right? However, I admit that it is hard to leave all the peoples here. If only I can bring them along. But how come? Nonsense. Uurghh.. must focus! I'll never forget my aim. It is my war,must finish this until the end.

Honestly, the most people that I will missing very much and its hard for me to leave are;

My wonderful mum

My talkative and show-off lil' brother

Other? Hell yeah.. I also gonna miss my favorite TV show, my holiday, my home sweet home... as conclusion, I miss my entire life here in my place!!

xXx,
Dad, I almost
made it!
Mum, I'll get
that DEGREE
just for u!
Then I'll get
an awesome JOB
and give you
life like a QUEEN!
don't worry <3>

I want to get the hell out of here ASAP!

Oh God. I'm so fuckin` boring!
Next week is the biggest event! Where will I belong? I dunno. God know.
Yeah I really wanna get out of here asap. But i know that no place is sweet as home.
However, that's what I called life. Want to know more about life? We should brave to get out from our own place. I mean, far away from home.
My dream was in CANADA! Hell yeah I want to further my study at Canada.
I just hoping that God will always bless me.
July is the day where I'll continue my journey a.k.a war!